WOW – Words of Wisdom

Never underestimate the power of a little old lady. Take Rosa Parks or Edie Windsor for example. Edie, one of my all time biggest heros, said “Wow. We won everything we asked for…” on hearing the historic DOMA ruling that changed the lives of all living gay people and all future generations. I was honored to hear Edie in front of the Stonewall on that historic day. I also marched with Edie the following Sunday in NYC’s Pride Parade. Edie is the grandmother of the gay rights movement – and Grandma know best.

When we were kids our grandmother was always saying, “Don’t forget your rubbers.” as we left the house. I always thought that was an odd thing to say and seemed so outdated. From a style perspective, rubbers were just not cool in my mind. I had enough trouble with the bullies on the playground. Wearing rubbers would be like throwing gas on the already burning faggot fire. I wouldn’t be caught dead in a pair of rubbers.

Now, forty plus years later, my grandmother’s words of wisdom have a different meaning. Gram after all, had two daughters that got knocked up and had to be married off to avoid social scandal. Her rubber comment was very carefully crafted for boys that had yet to reach puberty. When we finally became sexually active, the rubber message was released into our brains like a time bomb. As far as I know, none of our generation became unwed fathers. My own experience is different from my hereosexual brothers and cousins. I didn’t think the rubber message applied to me. There was no reason to worry about unprotected sex in the world that I inhabited. M2M sex was above the rubber law.

Then came the 80’s and the big A. Sometimes our grandmother’s words of wisdom our veiled in secrecy but rich with experience. I wish I’d been able to interpret Grandma’s secret message when I needed to. It probably would’ve been helpful if we’d had an honest and frank discussion about premarital sex in any form. Unfortunately, it was a different world and people from “good families” just didn’t talk about such taboo subjects.

Gram did the best she could and I’ve lived to tell her tale regardless of a little rubber ignorance. Talk to your children and grandchildren. You just might save their lives.