I’m gonna swing from the chandelier
Sia’s mega hit Chandelier is omnipresent. Her exuberance surrounds us in the gym, on the street, the supermarket and, of course, the dance floor. The other day I was listening to this amazing remix and I had a chandelier epiphany. I got to thinking that Sia has probably never really danced on top of a dining table, let alone swung from a chandelier. That thought triggered a childhood memory….
As is the case in every home, the holidays are the busiest time of the year. This was especially true at 345 Allen Street. Grandma had everyone busy preparing for the upcoming festivities. Housekeepers cleaned the house from top to bottom. The silver had to be polished. Christmas cards by the hundreds had to written – envelopes addressed and stamps affixed with obsessive perfection. Grandma’s attention to detail still inspires and haunts me 50 years later.
The most fabulous and awe inspiring holiday task however, was the polishing of the tear drop shaped crystals of the dining room chandelier. One year, I innocently volunteered to help with this operation – mistake. I climbed up the ladder with a bucket of Grandma’s special cleaning solution, consisting of warm water, dish detergent and vinegar.
The first phase of the operation involved removing the dust from the crystals. Then, I began to gently swab the crystals individually with loving precision. Grandma directed my progress from the floor below with words of encouragement peppered with constructive criticism. “That’s good Culver. Keep going. Be careful, you don’t want to fall. Oh, you missed a whole section up there in the top right section. Higher Culver. Go higher. That’s it. Make sure to get every crystal. The chandelier sparkles so beautifully at this time of year. The light is just perfect……”
Suddenly, I felt a push from behind from an invisible force. The ladder swayed and my center of balance was lost. My body went flying through the air and I grabbed a hold of the delicate curved arms of the antique lighting fixture. I watched my feet swing back and forth above the highly polished surface of the dining room table. “Let go. Let go!” Grandma shouted, “You’re going to ruin my beautiful chandelier.” I dropped to the table below and slid off the table, landing softly on the floor at Grandma’s feet. Her face was contorted in a display of anger and anguish as she clutched her heart. I thought I might have killed her. But, she recovered quickly and said, “What do you think you’re doing? This is not a playground. You can’t use my chandelier as a jungle gym. Oh, I knew I should have had that thing professionally cleaned. It will never be right now. You’ve ruined everything…..”
My chandelier expereince soon faded as the house was filled with relatives and Grandma’s obsessive gaze was focussed elsewhere. The memory was packed away in the attic of my mind like a land-mine, remaining dormant for nearly 40 years, until I heard the remix of Sia’s amazing song.
That’s when I had my chandelier epiphany. The invisible force that pushed me that day was Malcolm Gifford Jr. He was aways there playing mischievous pranks on us as he tried to get our attention. He wanted to be recognized at the holiest time of the year. He was there to remind me, and Grandma, that no matter how perfect the world you’ve constructed around you, you can’t take it with you. No matter how beautiful your surroundings, how big your bank account, how exquisite your physical trappings, how perfect your sculpted body is, in the end, we all leave this world empty handed. You can’t take it with you!
But, for a moment, I’d give anything to swing from Grandma’s chandelier just one more time.
This post is an excerpt from my upcomg book, Compulsive Consuption. More will be revealed.
Culver McCall 